Unusual, strange, but useable

Hi there,
Got my order and there's just a small problem - I ordered 6 doll's eyes. Only one has a pupil. It looks like the pupils on the other 5 must've fallen out. Can you re-send the eyes with pupils? I'd appreciate it, and so would the faces I'm going to use them in!

Thanks,
My best always,
Tina R.

Dear Ms. R.,

We appreciate your predicament, and are pleased that you've given us the opportunity to remedy the situation.

All of the eyes we have on hand are irisless, so to speak. The irises are kept in a separate box, which is how they came to us from the Leo Popper factory umpteen years ago. Our policy has been not to glue the irises into the eyes, thereby allowing our customers the option of coloring the eyes as they wish. After all, far be it from us to say what color eyes ought to be, even doll's eyes.

Our shipping department distinctly remembers selecting and packaging six irises, but due to their small size it is not surprising that they might have fallen out of the envelope. We will send you six more irises, plus one for good luck, via postal mail forthwith, and we will be sure to package them securely.

Should you end up with extras, we would be pleased to know what creative use you find for them. May we suggest securing one to the inside of your front door's peephole. Should your nosey neighbor try to peer in, she would be in for a bit of a surprise.

Yours Truly,
Early A. Consternation
Manager of Externals
Whittemore-Durgin Glass Co.

Dear Early,

As in the past 35 years or so, it is always a pleasure to deal with your rapid response to my consternation.

I might glue one to the outside of my peephole, as my nosey neighbors are VERY nosey and they will surely be put off by such a blatant display of gall.

Thank you for the brilliant suggestion, and I look forward to the remedy.

Many, many years ago I bought all you had of antique "Star of David" round glass "buttons" and I have them stashed safely away with my gold coins for the day that they become valuable.

Thank you for being so prudent and forward-thinking to secure such gems. Keep me posted on other treasures you might have stashed away under the cobwebs in your basement.

My best always,
Tina R.

Dear Ms. R.

We will keep you posted. Even after all these years, we find things we didn't know we had. (May we interest you in about 10,000 tiny hinges?)

We need to confirm your shipping address. Are these irises going to your Florida address or your West Virginia address? Given the nosey tendencies of your neighbors, we're guessing Florida. (Did I say that out loud?)

Yours Truly,
Mr. Early A. Consternation

Dear Mr. Consternation,

Oh you are astute! That's why you are EAC, for sure!

Yes, nosey neighbors in Florida. That's where I'm collecting eyes, and other goodies.

Hmmm, I could use some tiny hinges, maybe 20 for some stained glass mosaic pieces I'm planning that have shells. If I attach hinges to the shells, one could "open" them to see the other side. Can you send a few? I'll send a dollar (or whatever) to YOU in an envelope?

I'm effervescing with excitement at having eyes watching for me (with pupils and iris' intact, hopefully), scouting the bowels of the building for unusual, strange and usable things.

I'm often called unusual, strange, but usable myself!

My best always,
Tina R.

Dear Ms. Rappaport,

Check out our bargain-priced hinges. If you order them through the website, you will no doubt be unhappily surprised by the shipping costs. You may be assured that we reduce shipping costs on small items if we are able to ship them via U.S. Postal Service, which we likely will be able to do with a handful of hinges.

Place an eyeball under one of your hinged shells and you'll scare the bejeebers out of somebody.

Yours Truly,
Mr. Early A. Consternation